The Melbourne Magic Festival is back from June 29 to July 11 at the Northcote Town Hall and already several shows have SOLD OUT!
THE MAD HATTER in RETURN TO WONDERLAND has SOLD OUT for Tuesday June 30 and Friday July 3 is already half full.
GONE WITH THE WAND and MAGIC SCHOOL WITH TIM CREDIBLE have both SOLD OUT on Wednesday July 1
THE MMF STAGE MAGIC GALA is almost SOLD OUT on Monday June 29 so if you don't want to miss out on any of the magic this year, even though it's two months away, book now! Plus, if you do book early, you can choose VIP seats (if they are still available) and for no extra cost you get GUARANTEED FRONT ROW SEATING!
More out of curiosity than anything, I decided to give the website FIVERR.COM a try. I thought it might be fun to see what other graphic designers could come up with as a new logo for The Melbourne Magic Festival.
Our current logo, designed by Carl Knox, is this:
and we like it... so I scoured some of the people listed under the category GRAPHIC DESIGNERS and found a lot with heaps of 5 star listings so, I assumed, they must be worth a shot.
I will do professional and eye catching logo for $5
Her samples looked quite good
But when it came to delivery she sent this
When I pointed out that all she had done was find free clip art on google and I was hoping she would actually "design" something as promised, she sent this
More free clip art... Okay, so maybe I got a dud designer despite her 60 five star reviews... I tried another "graphic designer".
COOLINTROTOMY had great five star reviews and good looking samples
I will design Eye catching Logo in 24hrs for $5
Great! I sent him the brief, all the examples of what we have had in the past, how we want to avoid cliche images etc... he sent this:
The same clip art that CAROLINEW had found! Different text of course, that accentuated MELBOURNE over the more important words MAGIC FESTIVAL... I pointed this out to him and he responded by sending me a totally new design
"I create your logo design , I feel this is better than the previous and looks professional than it. So PLEASE complete the order with your positive feedback (5 STAR) for my job."
After this effort I posted a review (as you must do once any FIVERR order is completed, and gave him a very generous two stars.
His response was to call me a fake buyer and tell me to cancel the order, take my review down, and he'd give me the $5 back.
I pressed DECLINE on the cancel order button, and he just kept sending me the 'Cancel Order' request over and over and kept DEMANDING I remove the review and take my money back. The bad thing is that, if I don't press the DECLINE buton, after two days the order is automatically cancelled and the review is taken down.
So this constant email game began with him sending a CANCEL ORDER request, me pressing DECLINE and him sending another CANCEL ORDER request.
In the mean time I had sent the same brief to some other "graphic designers".
This person sent two options. The first (which is actually the logo for DISCOUNT MAGIC but altered slightly by adding stars)
I gave her a reasonable review, at least she tried with the second one, but again she messaged me demanding I cancel the order and remove my review because it wasn't FIVE STARS.
She even tried to explain why her work was not up to the standard of her samples saying:
"Sir please accept my request. Sir I tell you reason why I not send you your update. Sir I was in high fever and I was admit in hospital and my friend do working on your logo. I'm still in fever but feel better. Sir I apologize for it."
I will design a beautiful flyer, poster or brochure for $5
He had 1138 FIVE STAR REVIEWS and an amazing selection of professional samples. He sent this:
Not something I would use but at least he put a bit of effort into it and I was impressed. The only drawback was that he delivered it a few days later than promised and didn't communicate accordingly. Even FIVERR automatically emailed me to let me know he was late on delivery and did I want to cancel. So when I wrote what was an overall positive review, the rating ended up 2.5 stars.
So... he wrote to me asking for me to cancel the order as well....
It seems that FIVERR is all about getting nothing but FIVE STAR RATINGS.
Obviously, there are some genuinely talented designers on the site, but unless they are prepared to harass and badger people into giving them ONLY five star reviews, they get relegated to the bottom of the page while people looking to get art work done end up dealing with the "TOP RATED" designers who send them rubbish.
I message CUSTOMER SUPPORT, as you are supposed to do if there is a dispute, and explained that when I gave COOLINTROTOMY a negative review he accused me of being a fake buyer and Kevin from Fiverr replied "After reviewing the order I can see that the seller has sent you a mutual cancellation request in order to refund you. You may go back to the order page and accept that refund."
Seems to be the way FIVERR operates...
Sure, it's only five bucks, and many would say "What do you expect for $5?" But the point is there are many talented graphic designers on that site who simply can't even earn $5 because of the hustlers and hucksters exploiting the system.
I went to FIVERR to get some logos designed and ended up being harassed (I got A LOT of emails demanding I remove my reviews... and I am STILL getting them)
Last week I got an unsolicited email from an SEO company - you know the sort, "We can improve your web rankings on Google". The thing that stood out for me was the fact that this company, CELLSIX listed their address as
Headquarters: Office 7003 X2 Tower, Cluster X, Melbourne Vic. 3000 Australia Other Branches: Sydney | Perth | Brisbane | Adelaide | Hobart
Obviously, this is NOT a Melbourne address. It is, in fact, the address of
United Search Engine Optimization: Office 4003, X2 Tower, Cluster X Jumeirah Lake Towers, United Arab Emirates.
However, I do enjoy responding every now and then so I replied to Jia saying I will be in Melbourne on Monday and will pop in for a visit. I asked him to let me know what time suits him.
Obviously, I got no reply.
However today, Tuesday, I had a phone call from an SEO company in Sydney who were "following up" my conversation with Jia and wanted to help me with my SEO.
As I explained that I would not be doing business with a company that has such a blatantly false address, they explained they had bought the "conversation" from the other company.
So the spammers like CELLSIX send out mass spam emails, and if anyone replies AT ALL they then add that email to a list (in this case of people interested in SEO) and onsell it to other SEO companies.
The second company continued to ask if they could help me with SEO and I told them that I would never do business with a company that buys email addresses from spammers.
Fascinating the lengths people will go to to get a "lead"....
Earlier today the website 'Ammoland' proudly announced "Other states, like Georgia and Idaho, have greatly expanded the locations in which guns can be carried for self-defense."
A few hours ago the news we read the tragic news "A two-year-old boy in an Idaho Walmart accidentally shot and killed a woman Tuesday, authorities said. Early reports of the incident said the woman was the toddler’s mother."
The woman had a concealed carry permit for the weapon - the weapon the toddler accidentally discharged while reaching inside her purse.
How a two year old, with very limited strength, could trigger a handgun is beyond me... unless it was a semi-automatic.
From 'The Well Armed Woman' website "Revolvers and semiautomatic firearms have different trigger pulls and these can vary model to model. Semiautomatic guns tend to have lighter, quicker trigger pulls and revolvers will have a longer harder trigger pull. A double action revolver will have a very long and hard trigger pull. Revolvers typically do not have external safety mechanisms so the long, hard trigger pull acts as the safety. You must really intend to pull the trigger to fire the gun."
If this sort of incident had ocurred in ANY OTHER COUNTRTY there would be an immediate investigation and re-assessment of the laws that allowed this tragic accident to take place. Instead websites like Ammoland post artlcles like this claiming gun control is a war against women, intimidating women into gun ownership with statements like "where gun control is stringent, crimes against women rise."
Less than a month ago another motherwas shot with her own semi-automatic handgun by her three year old in Oklahoma. Could more stringent gun control or better training have prevented this tragedy? (The argument that keeping a gun locked away in a home gun safe defeats its purpose as a tool of self defense against home invasion. Lobbyists say it must be loaded and accessible at all times).
Unfortunately, the gun manufacturing industry in America has very deep pockets (they spend almost 20 times the amount the gun control groups spend at elections). In 1990 the NRA established the TAX EXEMPT NRA Foundation in order to continue promoting their agenda of guns for everyone.
Tighter gun control? No way! Ammoland is proud to report (also today) that yet another state (Ohio) has just passed "comprehensive pro-gun reform legislation."
HB 234 makes a number of positive changes to Ohio’s firearm laws. HB 234, as signed into law:
Improves the concealed handgun license process by (1) reducing the number of training hours required from 12 to 8 hours, (2) eliminating minimum length-of-residency requirements, (3) allowing non-residents who work in Ohio to apply for a CHL in the county or adjacent county in which they work, and (4) makes special provisions for members of the military who have been honorably discharged or retired, extending their competency certification from six years to ten years after honorable discharge or retirement.
Expands concealed carry reciprocity to visitors and persons temporarily in Ohio who have valid out-of-state licenses, regardless of whether the license-issuing state has entered into a reciprocity agreement with Ohio.
Repeals the prohibition on Ohio citizens buying and/or selling long guns or ammunition from only the five contiguous states of Indiana, Kentucky, Michigan, Pennsylvania and West Virginia. Citizens of Ohio can now purchase and/or sell rifles and shotguns in any state as long as the firearm laws in both states are obeyed.
Includes a “shall certify” provision which requires a chief law enforcement officer (CLEO) to sign off on an application to transfer an item regulated by the National Firearms Act, once the application procedure and requirements are met. This provision eliminates personal bias towards NFA-related items, requiring CLEOs to sign off and process the application in the same way they do a concealed handgun license.
Allows for the use of firearm sound suppressors while hunting in the Buckeye State.
Brings Ohio’s definition of “automatic firearm” in line with the federal definition, limiting it to only any firearm designed or adapted to fire a succession of cartridges with a single function of the trigger.
The pro-gun movement continues towards its goal to arm all USA citizens, with as many guns as they can sell, with as little training as possible, no pesky waiting time and ideally with zero background checks.
Concealed carry permits are now obtainable in every State with the pro-gun lobbyists now pushing for these permits to .
Six states, the Territory of the U.S. Virgin Islands and the District of Columbia fully prohibit the open carry of handguns. On the other side, twelve states permit open carry of a handgun without requiring the citizen to apply for any permit or license. Thirteen states require some form of permit (often the same permit as allows a person to carry concealed), and the remaining seventeen states, though not prohibiting the practice in general, do not preempt local laws or law enforcement policies, and/or have significant restrictions on the practice, such as prohibiting it within the boundaries of an incorporated urban area. Illinois allows open carry on private property only.
As of August, 2009, four states that currently restrict open carry as a remnant of the post-Civil war Reconstruction era (Texas, South Carolina, Oklahoma and Arkansas) are considering making it again legal.
Pro gun websites are filled with false statistics, claims that gun control in Australia was a failure and our murder rate has increased, and even claims that the Sandy Hook school shooting was staged by the government in order to pass tighter gun control measures.
Contrary to the pro-gun lobby's claim "Guns save lives, more guns save more lives." The reality is, the more guns out there, the more chance somebody is going to get shot.
Currently, 80 million Americans own 223 million registered guns. Undoubtedly there are many, many more unregistered guns out there too.
America will never become gun free like Australia - but I would love to see a day when the people can see past the manipulation of the gun manufacturers and the fear mongers who scare them into arming up and they institute some form of responsible gun control.
One accidental shooting is one too many in my book.
Buy a magic set and upload yourself opening it to YouTube.
This will be a good first video for your YouTube channel and a wonderful documentation of the very start of your magic career. Sure, you will inadvertantly expose some effects, but you're keeping it real and that's what people want to see.
2 - TUTORIALS
As soon as you learn how to do a trick, explain it on video and upload it to YouTube. This let's others know that you're a magician too and they will share their secrets with you too.
As you can see, even this simple tutorial has over 70,000 views already. This will really help build up a following for your YouTube channel and start you on the road to being a famous magician. Don't forget, upload new tutorials as often as you can. The internet is always hungry for more!
3 - CREATE A WEBSITE
Once you have uploaded a few tutorials and others have shared yours, you can create your own website by compiling all the tutorials together like this one http://www.learnmagictricks.org/
You can even add a torrent sharing section to your site so others can upload the latest magic DVDs to share with each other and you'll never have to spend money buying a DVD again!
After a while you may prefer just to focus on gather YouTube followers, after all, becoming a YouTube sensation with a milion hits will not only earn you revenue from ads, but it will also validate your status as a genuine master magician.
Remember, just performing tricks doesn't get a lot of views, revealing them is by far the easiest way to get tens of thousands of hits.
Even better, if you can offer your viewers the chance to make out with pretty girls or even more!
You'll be a hero to all your subscribers and most importantly, keeping magic relevant and classy.
4 - GO VIRAL
If you choose to take the next rung up the ladder and create your own magic, film your tricks "on the street" and get some friends to pretend to be random people as they will act ultra amazed by your trick. If you really want to get big hits, have them dress up as police and pretend to sell them weed but make it disappear. Have them rough you up a bit too to gain sympathy, after all, no-one likes cops.
This clip has already had over 14 million views and has established Calen Morelli as one of the top stars in magic today!
Just remember Dynamos rules of filming magic:
1 - The camera can't be misdirected like an audience can, so feel free to edit frames out, cut away at crucial times or use cgi to erase objects digitally when they are supposed to disappear.
2 - People will replay the video to try to see how it's done, so if you can have a spectator sign a duplicate card that's going to appear in an impossible location, or prearrange that they will say a name or a card or a number in advance... do it. That will really make it impossible for viewers to figure out how it was done.
3 - Don't do tricks that people don't want to see. Just take a look at what other magicians are doing on video and do them too. Why take a chance on a trick from a book when you can easily copy someone else? After all, he probably didn't invent the tricks anyway.
Don't get overconfident. If you do get very popular doing your magic on video where you can do take after take until you get it right, think very carefully before attempting a trick in real life. After all, not everybody should do live magic.
5 - SELL YOUR OWN MAGIC
Lots of magicians make big bucks by selling their tricks to other magicians. You don't even need to be creative, just go through the old books like Tarbell, 13 Steps to Mentalism, or Mnemonica and release the trick as an Instant Download DVD.
If you can create a cool looking gimmick, not only can you sell it through Ellusionist (just make sure your promo video features lots of slow motion throwing of cards in the desert) and you'll sell thousands.
If you are lucky, you could even get a website like DUDE I WANT THAT and sell your magic tricks to the much larger market of the general public. Sure, they won't be interested in keeping the secret and will most likely show their friends how the trick works just as soon as they finish doing it - but they have A LOT more money to spend than magicians.
If you do live shows - then make sure you have a merchandise booth in the foyer selling every trick you do in the show. After all, as the pros says, METHODS MEAN NOTHING, it's all about presentation. That way you make money TWICE on the same trick: once by performing it and a second time by selling it!
While you're at it, add a shopping section to your website. You can sell magic online via wholesalers but you get an even bigger profit margin if you get sell magic from one of the many Chinese manufacturers who make MUCH cheaper versions of the original products. Sell them at the recommended retail prices and your profit margin could be up to 2000%!
After all all.. it's showBUSINESS!
Why should the creator of the trick be the only one to profit?
(This article is satire. Sadly, I have to add this disclaimer because I'm afraid a large proportion of the current generation of magicians are already following at least 3 of these 6 steps).
One topic that divides the nation of the USA more than any other is guns. More specifically - gun control.
Nobody (except John Oliver) would dare to suggest that a compulsory gun buy back program such as we had here in Australia would work in the USA.
In fact many pro-gun lobbyists in the USA still distort (or simply make up) facts to "prove" that gun reform in Australia simply hasn't worked. The NRA even ran an informercial with the totally fabricated statistic that since the gun buyback Australian gun murders increased by 19%.
Guns may not kill people, but people with guns do, and they do so more often and more efficiently than people without guns. People do not behave in a vacuum. They are influenced by their environment, and when that environment is occupied by guns, people behave aggressively and impulsively.
The article also discusses the other flawed mantra "Gun control doesn't work because criminals don't follow laws."
Why is it that a certain minority (and it is a very vocal, very powerful group but it IS a minority) like the gun lobby is so adamant that not only every American has the right to bear arms but they should not be dictated to as to how to store, maintain or even properly train themselves as to how to handle their firearms?
In 2013 with 90% of Americans in favour of universal background checks for gun buyers... that's not gun control, that's just a quick background check before someone is permitted to purchase a weapon... but still that simple bill was unable to pass through the US senate: (from this website)
"A small, passionate group of people, no matter how radical or extreme, can be more successful than a reasonable but less passionate majority," said Dan Gross, president of the Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence. The National Rifle Association's grip on Congress is more myth than reality, he said, but even modest gun control advances remain difficult.
Forget background checks then, how about just photo ID?
A 2012 Minnesota effort to require voters to produce photo identifications appeared overwhelmingly popular at first. But state voters ultimately rejected it.
"A year and a half ago, when this polled at 80 percent, you know it was organizations with networks in communities who jumped in and who started talking to people about the facts," activist Dan McGrath told local reporters.
The U.S. gun lobby takes a different approach, spending enormous resources to keep lawmakers in its corner even when public sentiment is elsewhere.
"The gun lobby is the most powerful special interest in America," said Mike Barnes, a former Democratic congressman from Maryland and former head of the Brady Center. Many Republican lawmakers, he said, "live in total fear that the gun lobby might consider them less than perfect."
Since the Sandy Hook massacre (which many pro-gunners claim was "staged" in order that President Obama could frighten citizens into passing stricter gun control laws) the gun lobbyists started spreading the word that stricter laws WOULD be passed with the intention that gun owners would stockpile more guns just in case future laws prevented them from being able to buy them as easily.
This led to the gun lobby claiming that since the massacre
Sales of the assault rifle used by the shooter went UP by 52% the gun manufacturer proudly reported. This could also be due to, in part, the fact that while 39 gun laws were tightened after the massacre, 52 others were actually loosened making it even EASIER than ever to buy a gun in the USA.
Yet the NRA claims that gun ownership is higher than ever (yes, more guns are being sold every year in the USA) but look closer at the figures and you'll see that the number of households with guns is steadily declining.
While there are more guns in the US than there were thirty years ago, less households actually have guns. According to UPI, over half of US households in 1977 had guns; now less than a third have guns. The reason for the steep decline, says UPI, is “aging of the current-gun owning population, a lack of interest in guns by youth, the end of military conscription, the decreasing popularity of hunting; land-use issues that limit hunting and shooting and the increase in single-parent homes headed by women.”
The NRA argues that gun ownership is essential for personal protection with its executive director Wayne LaPierre issuing statements like: "The one thing a violent rapist deserves is to face is a good woman with a gun!" and "The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun"
The argument that private gun ownership actually reduces crime is a testable claim and has been tested here by the University of Pennsylvania, the Harvard School of Public Health, the New England Journal of Medicine ands several others.
Viewed in this light, the NRA's insistence that rapes can be prevented with firearms or that teachers should be armed appear even more stupid than they already seemed. It is worth remembering that just as America leads the world in gun ownership, so too does it lead the world in gun homicide, with 11,000 to 12,000 murders committed by firearms each year. The tired old rationalisation that guns protect people is frankly contradicted by the evidence. The inescapable conclusion is that gun ownership makes everyone less safe. The logic the NRA espouses is perverse and transparently self-serving.
This brings me to the reason for me sitting down and blogging all of this.
My Facebook feed shows me all sorts of fascinating things and, because two of my 5000 FB friends are pro gun (and post about it a lot) I see things like this:
The City of Orlando trained and equipped women throughout the area with handguns. The Orlando Gun Training Program lasted one year and focused on training women on how to use a gun for self-defense but also allowed other citizens to take the class.
The meme (the photo with text above) does seem to play up this Orlando history anecdote.
Researchers point out that while rapes did drop the following year (there were three less rapes in 1967 than in 1966) by 1969 the rates had gone back up. Also the number of rapes that were looked at in the 1960s study was only 14, a very small number for any type ofstatistical significance to be drawn from.
There is a constant flood of SPIN being generated by the pro gun lobby trying to discredit gun control and either frighten or reassure people into buying guns. BUYING guns. The bottom line is all about money. They are in the business of selling guns and all the associated paraphenalia, training courses etc. They are in the gun businesses and, just like "big tobacco", they will say anything in order to sell more product and make more money.
THIS piece was one of the more offensive of recent times.
An armed assailant fired more than 100 rounds of ammunition and a Police Officer shot him. This special interest group 'Guns Save Lives' is using THIS INCIDENT as an argument FOR GUNS! "Guns save lives". Yes, a gun stopped the rampage... but what was the assailant using? A GUN!
There are simply too many guns, too easily accessible in the USA and waaaay too many in the wrong hands.
The NRA argues that the fact that ANY CITIZEN could be carrying a gun PREVENTS crimes, but the fact that ANY CITIZEN could be carrying a gun results in accidental shootings like this by Police:
And, of course, we read of accidental shootings in the USA on more than a daily basis where people "didn't think the gun was loaded", or were cleaning their weapons, or just had guns laying around the house instead of locking them away safely.
If fact, gun advocate John Lott can take full responsiblity for those deaths as he irresponsibly argues AGAINST locking your guns up at home here:
My research on juvenile accidental gun deaths for all U.S. states shows that mandates that guns be locked up had no impact. What did happen in states with such mandates, however, was that criminals attacked more people in their homes and crimes were more successful: 300 more total murders and 4,000 more rapes occurred each year in these states. Burglaries also rose dramatically.
Statistics are being manipulated, figures are being made up, fear is being mongered and all in the name of profit.
For a more realistic look at gun volence figures in the USA today take a look at this from the Gun Violence Archive
Pro gun lobbyists argue that the figure of 11,269 deaths is inflated because it (probably) includes suicides, drug and gang related crimes etc... but a human life is a human life and these lives were taken by guns.
Yes, they may have been taken by knives or other means had guns not been as easily accessible, but does anyone really believe that there would be as many deaths if guns were not as easily accessible?
Does the presence of privately owned guns save lives? Again, the statistics are so manipulated you can find surveys backing whatever opinion you hold, but the reality is that the USA has the highest rate of guns per person in the world (90 guns per 100 residents), as well as the highest rate of gun homicide at 4.7 per 100,000 of population as compared to Australia at 0.11.
Switzerland has 45 guns per 100 residents and is often touted by the NRA as an example of how gun control is unneccesary as they only had 40 homicides by gun in 2010 (that's 0.52 per 100,000 of population).
The vast majority of men between the ages of 20 and 30 are conscripted into the militia and undergo military training, including weapons training. The personal weapons of the militia are kept at home as part of the military obligations, however they are not allowed to keep the ammunition. They are TRAINED and they are NOT ALLOWED TO KEEP AMMUNITION AT HOME.
In the USA they are untrained gun owners and can buy ammo from WalMart!
Australia banned guns, and we have very few intentional of accidental deaths or injuries caused by gun... surprise, surprise.
When will the USA wake up to the fact that they are being manipulated by those who seek to profit from them at whatever cost of human life? Whether it be big tobacco, the corn syrup industry, or weapons manufacturers.
And more importantly, how do those gun manufacturers, knowing that they are lying to the public and selling ordinary, untrained citizens, products that have no purpose other than to harm living beings, live with themselves?
Back in September I had to fly to Thailand for a magic event, so I booked my flights on Qantas for Sep 18 returning on September 23.
I have been a Frequent Flyer with Qantas for 20 years and I have always had seating preference request for a window seat.
My first flight (to Singapore) was not a Qantas flight but Emirates... and I was seated at the very back of the plane in a middle seat in the middle aisle. As I was pretty much the first to check in, I asked if they could change my seat to a window but they assured me the flight was full and all seats were allocated.
During the flight, as I was at the very back, I was the last one to be served a meal and the options were exhausted. I was offered the fish (which I don't eat). They said they would check and see if there were any other meals - but they never came back... so I didn't eat. Luckily I had brought my own water on board because I didn't get a drink either.
I arrived at midnight and my flight to Bangkok was 9am, so I had booked the transit hotel in the airport. But I was told because my next flight was JetStar (I had booked on Qantas) I had to clear customs and check in again.
I did this but, when I tried to check in JetStar told me to come back at 7am as check in was not open. This meant I could not get back into the airport and my hotel. I kicked up a fuss, enough it seems, as they got a manager and reluctantly checked me in anyway. I was given an aisle seat up the back...
During this flight I was offered a food voucher, as I had booked on Qantas. Sadly my choices (sandwiches etc) were all "unavailable". I settled for honey roasted nuts and a coke. On eating the nuts I got quite a shock... they were wasabi nuts. I called them over and they were genuinely surprised I was unhappy. They were all out of the advertised honey roasted nuts, so they gave me the only other thing they actually had in stock... pretzel mix.
Yummy breakfast... not.
On my return flight, I was on a Qantas flight... operated by Emirates... again I was in a middle seat in the aisle.. again they couldn't do anything about the seating... but this time I was not at the back of the plane.
Meal service came and they started serving from behind me this time. I admit I got excited and started to choose my meal but, after serving the row directly behind me they went straight to the front of the plane and started serving from their back. Yep, by the time they got to me it was the fish or nothing. I chose nothing.
I was offered a drink this time. I asked for tomato juice and the attendant poured me an apple juice. When I explained that I had requested tomato she gave me the dirtiest look and slowly, silently took the drink back and poured me the most evil tomato juice I've ever had.
She didn't return for the duration of the flight... and I was quite pleased actually.
Arriving in Sydney I rechecked my luggage and had a very helpful Qantas staff member look after my transit.
Flying to Melbourne, in an aisle seat, was again marred by inattentive and disinterested in flight attendants.
I wasn't exactly thrilled with the lack of service I received, the seating, the meals, or the fact that I booked with Qantas and was shuffled around on other airlines causing various problems as a result, so I did the right thing and went to the Qantas website and filled out their feedback form on September 25 and almost immediately received this email:
Thank you for contacting Qantas Customer Care.
We are always happy to hear from our customers and to assist where possible.
Your reference number is 2014/187568.
We aim to respond to you within the next 15 business days.
If you have further feedback relating to 2014/187568 or wish to add attachments, please click here.
Qantas Customer Care
But by October 21 I still hadn't heard from them so I emailed them again.
Then I realised it would most likely get no result so I went back to the Feedback Form, filled it all out again, adding the fact that they had failed to contact me within their time frame and I immediately got a response:
Thank you for contacting Qantas Customer Care.
We are always happy to hear from our customers and to assist where possible.
Your reference number is 2014/187568.
We aim to respond to you within the next 15 business days.
If you have further feedback relating to 2014/187568 or wish to add attachments, please click here.
Qantas Customer Care
On Wednesday November 5 I finally received a reply from Qantas Customer Care
Thank you very much for contacting us with your concerns.
I would like to apologise that you had such a negative service experience when travelling with us recently please accept my sincere apologies.
When travelling in the future you are able to pre select your seating on our website at Qantas.com.au.
Please be assured that your feedback is not falling on deaf ears. Feedback such as this is invaluable to us as it flags up areas in which we need to improve, and only when passengers like you inform us of this much needed improvement are we able to take steps and make the changes needed. We are truly committed to creating the world's best flying experience, in every regard from check-in to destination and beyond, and the only way to get there is to listen to our passengers.
Thank you again for contacting us with your feedback, and I hope we can welcome you aboard a Qantas flight again in the near future.
Customer Care Executive
To me, it appeared that they hadn't really addressed my point that my Frequent Flyer seat preferences were supposed to determine where I sat (ie: window as opposed to the centre of the centre aisle) and were telling me it's now up to me to go online and book my own seat. Plus, they totally ignored my other issues with meals and dismissive staff.
So I replied to them - and this time my email bounced back with a reply saying "This mailbox is not monitored."
Maybe my feedback WAS falling on deaf ears after all!
So I sought out their Facebook page, which is FILLED with customer complaints, and I summarised the entire saga in a post and received a reply right away telling me that they were very concerned that this issue had not been addressed, they pride themselves on customer service and safety is always the number one priority at Qantas... they asked me to PM them my reference number and they would get back to me right away!
Wow! Maybe they have shifted their entire Customer Care team over to social media? That's why the phones never get answered and the feedback forms are replied to by computer... there's nobody at head office anymore.
Sadly, nobody contacted me.
I kept posting messages saying I hadn't heard from anyone yet until my post got so far down the page I couldn't find it anymore.
Then I had to start a fresh post all over again, letting them know I hadn't heard anything from them in their attempt to address the fact that I hadn't heard anything from... them.
This time they asked me to PM them my email address, as they claimed they had emailed a reply and were surprised I hadn't got it.
So was I, as I was receiving Qantas spam (sorry... "promotional material") on almost a daily basis.
Again I waited, again I had to start a fresh post as my second post had disappeared under a mountain of complaints from other, equally frustrated, soon to be ex-Qantas customers.
Finally, on November 25, after almost THREE WEEKS of fruitless posting on their Facebook page, I received this:
"Hi Tim, as previously discussed our Customer Care team has sent a reply via email on the 14th of November and again on the 19th of November. We understand you have not received either email and would request an alternate email to once again resend this response to as it appears you are not receiving any correspondence from Customer Care. Lily"
I explained that my email was working, their is no reason I should not be receiving emails from them
"Hi Tim, we have followed this up with Customer Care and have once again asked that they re-send a copy of the email dated 19th November 2014. Please confirm if and when you receive their email response. Lily"
... and then
Finally, the email they said they sent on November 14 (or 19th) addressing my issues of seating, meals, staffing and lack of response from Customer Care arrived:
"Ref. No: 2014/187568
Thank you for your further correspondence.
I regret that you are unhappy with our response.
I feel that your concerns with your Emirates and Jetstar travel on your WEB JET ticket were adequately addressed. I am afraid that there is nothing more I can add.
I appreciate you taking the time to pursue this issue and I apologise if we have not been able to resolve this matter to your satisfaction.
“Tim Ellis is a superb entertainer for people who speak any language in the world, his show is wonderful.” – Obie O’Brien. President of 4F
“Without understating Ellis’ sleight of hand or talent for misdirection, it is his showmanship that keeps you spellbound. His timing, comic flair and charisma ensure there’s never a dead moment.” – Cameron Woodhead, The Age Theatre Reviewer
“He has the mind of an evil elf” – Teller, of Penn & Teller