How to succeed in magic

Over the last few weeks I've been criticised by three bloggers for several things, including claiming to have won twice at FISM. Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I have. I've won two prizes at FISM: Special Prize of The Jury in 1991, and Second Prize in Micro Magic in 1994.

As Simon Coronel can now tell you, it takes a lot of effort to win a prize at FISM and if you're lucky enough to be rewarded for your work then you've earned the right to tell people about it in your PR material.

But perhaps the problem is that I' haven't gone far enough...

Maybe, what the bloggers meant was that I need to commit and take the whole thing waaaay further.

Here are the Top Ten Tips successful magicians seem to use

1 - Make up fake awards and claim to have won them.

2 - Get a good orange fake tan, shiny white fake teeth and hire models as assistants.

3 - Get the best routines everyone else is doing and add them to your act.

4 - In all PR claim to be #1 everything. (#1 Magician, #1 Comedy Act, #1 Entertainer)

5 - Fill your website with pictures of you with famous people.

6 - Make up great press quotes and reviews and add them to your site.

7 - Spend all of your spare money on a great website and GoogleAds.

8 - Set your fee at whatever budget the client has to spend (better to earn something than sit at home).

9 - If a better offer comes when you already have a gig, take the higher paying show instead.

10 - If anyone mentions another magician's name in your presence, trash-talk them as fast as possible.